Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
