either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
