Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
