Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
