You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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