If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
