I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
