and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize