would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
