It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
