I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
