you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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