He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
