You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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