i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
