I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
