I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
