My nipple is on Facebook.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize