Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Quick, to the slutcave!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
