We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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