When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I will pee on everything he values.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
