i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize