I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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