we made out on top of his cat.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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