Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
