you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
false alarm. still invincible.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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