And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
