At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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