There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize