I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
