Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
