i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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