Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
