I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
