we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
