i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
