I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
