its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
