The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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