Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
