You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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