At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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