i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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