see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
