Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
