Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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