Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize