I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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