The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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