I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
