Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
