Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
