you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
