Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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