Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
