Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
