She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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