Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
