God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
