my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I touched a dick in church today
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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