We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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