If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize