got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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