I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
