ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
