she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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