what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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