I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
