pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
