so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
